Forcing a Friendship Isn’t Natural

When I was a little girl, my mom said I liked playing all by myself. She said I could play for hours just creating a whole new world. I find this true even today. Sometimes I think I am my own best company. I can entertain myself for hours and have the best time when I’m completely alone. I truly enjoy spending time with friends, but I’m also quite happy in my own company. It’s easy for me to make friends even as an adult. I’m beginning to realize that for most people this isn’t the case.

Sometimes I find myself confronted with people who want to be my friend and it just isn’t a natural fit. It’s awkward and doesn’t feel quite right. So I tend to avoid these people. I’m not rude…just not overly friendly. There are a few people in my life right now that are unpleasantly persistent about this. Recently, one of my friends told me that another girl told her about how she really just wants to be friends with me but can’t seem to make it work. Really? For years, I’ve felt this girl watching me and at times, it felt like she would watch me and then emulate whatever I did. It was a little creepy.

If it isn’t a natural fit…why not move on? Why try to create a relationship where there isn’t one? Sometimes I meet someone and instantly know it’s someone that would make a great friend. This year, I met two of these people and knew within 5 minutes of meeting and speaking to them. It’s always fun to discover a new friend or someone who is like minded. But I think it’s also just as easy to know instantly when someone isn’t going to become a friend. If friendships aren’t natural they shouldn’t be forced. I believe that trying to make them happen is awkward and somewhat unhealthy.

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Fast Drivers Everywhere

This morning, I drove up to Ogden to go to the dentist. I had a quarter tank of gas and even though the estimator in my car told me I didn’t have enough gas to get up there and back…I thought I could. I drove painfully slow and used cruise control. It amazing how fast people drive when you go at exactly the speed limit. There were some places where it was 55, 60 and 70. I was being passed like I was standing still.

I know speeding saves some time, but it really isn’t that much time. At best, on a very long trip it might save an hour. It was kind of relaxing not having anyone in front of me and not worrying about the time at all. But a little stressful as drivers came up on me while trying to get over.

I made it to the gas station in Salt Lake City with (according to my car) 11 miles until I ran out of gas.

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Having a Relaxing Vacation Means Not Planning too Much

Wayne and I recently went to San Diego. We drove there, took the bikes and the dog. We took long bike rides near the water on most days. It was warm, relaxing and fun. We didn’t plan anything while we were there. Most of our vacations have been completely planned to the point where we can’t possible fit everything into the day. On this vacation, we just got up and did whatever we wanted that day.

We came back from San Diego three days before we had to go back to work. It’s been nice to get some things done at home before we have to go back to work. It’s funny how much doing that effects your outlook. It’s like getting things in order and clean seems to balance the rest of life. Everything seems more calming and relaxing.

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Take One Step Forward and Three Steps Back

One step forward, three steps back. I never quite understood this quote until our kitchen remodel. We get the cabinets done, then we find a water leak that destroys paint and walls in the basement. Now everything is on hold until the source of the water leak can be found.

Progress has been made in our kitchen, but it is slow and agonizing. TV home remodel shows clearly don’t focus on the length of time it takes and the mess that occurs in between. HGTV has ruined the remodel process for me.

When we started, I asked the guy who is doing most of the work for us how long it would take. He said 2 weeks. I laughed because I knew better. Mentally, I told myself to be prepared for 6-8 weeks. It’s 8 weeks now and there’s quite a bit yet to be done.

There’s a house down the street that was leveled and rebuilt. It’s been over a year now since the family moved out. I’m not sure how they are dealing with it, or where they are living. It must be really difficult. The husband works in construction and it still didn’t get done quickly.

I never wanted to buy a house because of issues like this. It always sounded like a headache and a waste of money. I put it off for many years, but then bought because rents were getting higher and higher. And in the 7 years since we bought our house, the value has almost doubled. This is great, but it makes it almost impossible to move. We have other projects we’d like done around the house, but I’m not sure they will ever happen. At least, I won’t try to organize them.

A friend of mine was here the other day, and she said something about expecting our house to have lights up and Christmas decorations already done. I started yelling at her and started to lunge. First, because it’s mid-November and that was a really stupid thing for her to say because no one has their lights up yet, and second because all of our food and old fridge is set up in the living room and there’s no room for people to sit let alone put up a tree. I think (or maybe hope) that she realized how insensitive that was.

The stress level from this whole project is amazing. I’ve yelled at my boss, Wayne and my friend in a matter of weeks. People are avoiding me (which is actually kind of a nice thing right now). Just trying to find a quiet place to be is becoming more and more difficult. I have to take time to just relax during the day otherwise I feel like I might explode. And now we are moving into the holidays….the most stressful time of the year for most people.

I know we will get through this…I just wish it was already done.

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Enrolled in A Simple Year Class for 2018

I just signed up to take a year-long online course called, A Simple Year . A friend sent me the info late last year, but knowing how much work I had to do on my doctorate classes, I knew it would be crazy to try it. I’m almost done with my classes, and feel like this next year will be perfect for it.

A new topic is tackled each month (clutter, cooking, relationships, busyness, etc.) and I think it’ll be helpful to try. Plus, it’s really aligned with my overall goal to simplify my life.

With technology changing as fast as it does, and the fact that we have access to so much that we didn’t even 20 years ago….it feels like life can be overwhelming with choices and options. This doesn’t make it simple. It makes it confusing and overwhelming.

When I was in my teens, I loved to read. Those days of not being able to put down a book seem so far away. These days, so many other things have my attention and focus now. Just trying to find a good buy is difficult, and then finding the time to read it is almost impossible. I want to get back to those days when things were simpler and the smallest things brought me so much joy. I’m looking forward to this course and any changes I can make in the process of taking the class.

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One Weekend of Focusing on Relaxation Makes All the Difference

All day on Friday, I felt terrible. Tired, my muscles hurt, and I felt exhausted. On Friday night, I got a steam, hot rocks and massage and was extremely relaxed afterwards. In fact, the most relaxed I’ve been in over a month. That night I slept about 10 hours and took three naps on Saturday. I felt like I had been hit like a truck, but I drank quite a bit of water and by Saturday night I was feeling better. On Sunday, I felt much better.

It’s amazing the difference in how I felt after focusing on taking care of me. Normally, that is exactly what I do all of the time. But for the last month, I haven’t been able to do that at all and it caught up to me.

Now that I can somewhat see the light at the end of the tunnel, things don’t feel quite as stressful as they did the last two weeks. I’m also planning a vacation when all of this is over and I can’t wait for that. A week of sun, warmth, fresh air, massages and exercise. It sounds delightful.

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Would We Purposelessly Create Our Own Chaos in a Home Remodeling Project?

A few months ago, Wayne and I looked at a house that I absolutely loved. It was smaller than our current house, but had more (or maybe odd is then better word here) storage options in the basement. We currently have 1800 square feet and this house was approximately 1500. Wayne wants more space and didn’t like it for that reason. There’s something about square footage that makes people want more, even if they don’t necessarily need it. Since I’d love to downsize considerably, it seemed perfect. Wayne, on the other hand says he wants to downsize but when it comes down to it he goes into a full on panic. This house had a great kitchen, seated area near the back door, white claw foot tub, etc.

The woman selling the house was in her 20s and was a real estate agent. She knew what would easily sell and most likely fixed this house up to sell while they lived there. She had impeccable taste (they had 4 offers the first day it was listed). The kitchen area in this house was fantastic and in all honesty it was probably the largest area in the whole house. See the photo above. I liked it because it was simple, clean looking and mostly white.

Ironically, as we were choosing options for our kitchen I didn’t go in the same direction as this simple kitchen I loved so much. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it would be harder to keep it looking clean. White hasn’t been the best color choice while I’ve been living with Wayne; he doesn’t seem to see dirt while I see it everywhere. Our kitchen isn’t done yet and I’m already seeing some chaos in our (my) choices. I hope it all comes together in the end. The walls are painted gray and one wall is a bluish green, the countertop is a darker gray, the floors are grayish, the backsplash will be a bluish green color, the appliances are stainless steel and black.

This led me to question that if I really loved the peaceful look and felt so calm in this woman’s kitchen….why would a take a different route in my own? I’m not sure I have an answer for myself. I like color or at least small bursts of color in shades of gray.

I guess the thing I fear is that I’ve inadvertently created chaos on my own. I’m not sure why I’d do that and I hope when everything is done….it doesn’t feel that way. They say that buying and remodeling a home is an emotional experience. That if we emotionally connect then we love it and want to buy or remodel it a certain way.

This kitchen remodel has been stressful to say the least. I’ve had at least one complete melt down over it, I’ve actually had a few drinks (I’ve never been a regular drinker), and quite frequently I’ve felt overwhelmed with life in general. In the end, I believe it will all work out. But getting there hasn’t been easy. I’ll be happy when it’s over. And I don’t plan to ever organize a home remodel again. And hopefully, it’ll be exactly what I want when it’s done.

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